I was on video call with my mother this afternoon, happily catching up on the on-goings of our lives and showing off of plants and dogs. 

And then, out of nowhere:
Nanay: Kamusta si ________? (referring to the guy I like)
Me: Ewan.
Nanay: Liniligawan ka na ba niya?
Me: No. 

Nanay: May gusto ba sayo 'yon?
Me: Di ko alam eh, baka pinaglalaruan niya lang talaga feelings ko. 

So. 

I don't know what to do with my life anymore. Nyahahahuhuhaha. 

Mother then proceeded to say that I should travel around the US and Canada to increase the chances of meeting someone. LOL. But also, pwede. 

It is a definite possibility that the guy I like has no interest in me whatsoever. It IS possible, despite how adorable our interactions have been as of late. As I keep telling my friends when they become a little too giddy for our own good, everything is an assumption even to this day. There is no real assurance of him being interested in me in the same manner that I am interested in him. 

I don't know, I guess I just needed to have my Nanay knock some senses into me, that I may be waiting for nothing. I wish it weren't so, but no one really knows until the bridge is crossed. Still, the truth of the matter is nothing was ever made clear.

In the past two months, people closest to me have asked questions such as:
Has he done anything to show his intentions?
Do you feel that he likes you?
What has he done to show you that he likes you?
What would you do if you found out he was praying for someone else all this time?

Heartbreaking questions, needless to say, but only true friends who truly care for my welfare would dare ask such questions. And honestly, I appreciate them; I need to be kept in touch with reality in the midst of my daydreaming.

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But it wasn't all too sad today. My devo brought a bit of hope to me; this is God's message for me, after all. The main verse reads:

April 24: "Faith is confidence...assurance about of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:11 

It goes on to say that having genuine faith means letting go and letting God do all the work that needs to be done. Pray about it, commit to the Lord, and stop worrying.


I want to stop being anxious. If only my noisy thoughts would allow it.