major lifestyle change, i'd say. 

these questions popped up tonight:
1. do you really think that he likes you?

2. did you ever feel he was...gay? 

3. what if he doesn't feel comfortable with all the dogs in your house? 

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sometimes i truly just want to run away from everything and start anew, but then again, this is the life i've been given. 

don't get me wrong, i remain extremely grateful because it goes to how much more i need to improve in the area i'm being led to. and really, there's just too much which i don't see (my blindspots), and i'm very blessed to have people point it out to me directly.

this is different. i'd call it a lifestyle change. 

i don't remember what life was like before russell lived in the house, but sonja followed, then chicken; and now, the triplets: porridge, courage, and coccinelle (i'm not keeping them all). although i never really played the role of a homemaker or home manager since after ze parents left...which meant living alone. which meant cleaning up after myself. which also meant keeping the home as tidy as i could before and after my irregular working hours. and then there are days dedicated to organization of things (SO MANY THINGS) and home repairs that cannot be overlooked. i knew how to do most of these things, but i realize now that i don't always have the time and energy for them. and now add having to take care of dogs.

my new discipler suggested that i "let go" of my dogs. not that i need to get rid of them, of course, but just keep them outdoors. she said it's definitely a major factor in keeping my home cleaner and smelling better. so true! so now i'm clearing out an area which i think would be perfect for my dogs' home: i'll have it tiled and they will have comfortable beds, and easy access to the garage and yard area to run around in (also for poops and weewees). it makes so much sense, really, and this is just one of the changes i'm making. it's a major thing for me because i spoil the little dogs way too much and feel bad when they're outside, but i also need to consider myself...and future partner.

i'm happy to be led to people who are genuinely concerned for me and who are more than willing to help (not just in making suggestions, but in actually coming over to my home to help with organization and so much more). i'm excited to see life unfold before my eyes and to take on little steps into becoming better. praise God, always, for His guidance.