What are you afraid of?

I finally had the chance to attend the small Bible study session at the office today, and these were the opening questions: What are you afraid of? What do you worry about?


When I was 13, I used to be afraid of failure. I hated the thought of failing an exam or a subject, so I worked my butt off in school. (The only near-failure class I had was Advanced Algebra in middle school, because I was, well, assigned in advanced classes then.) Nevertheless, from elementary school to college, I had become become part of these, rather consistently: Super Kid, Honor Roll, Dean's List. Over the years, I failed exams and nearly failed a couple of subjects, but I got over it. Somewhere in there, I guess I just learned that grades will never determine my future career or what kind of adult I will turn out to be.

When I was 20, I had just gotten my first job and had some extremely strict bosses, so naturally, I was afraid of making mistakes at work. I had to keep reminding myself how everyone makes mistakes, and that the important thing is we recover and learn from them. The result: we simply end up wiser.

Before my 24th year, I purchased a car (with help from an uncle), got life insurance, started investing, and signed up for a credit card. So instead of religiously depositing a big chunk of my salary into my savings account, I had real bills to pay. Oh, the adult life! It was no surprise that I maybe-kinda panicked in terms of finances.

And then I became a person I didn't know during my 25th until my 26th/27th year. I was afraid of being left out in life despite a pretty good position in the company I worked for and finally attaining a sense of financial freedom of sorts. I think social pressures took a toll on me as friends, left and right, were getting engaged, starting families -- things that we were "expected" to accomplish at such an age. Like, I suddenly lost my sense of direction: Where am I heading to? Why am I still single? (A question which I laugh at now!) Should I start worrying about the possibility of not having my own family? What is wrong with me? Am I not good enough? Such questions haunted me during this very dark phase in my life (quarter-life crisis, perhaps?) and I ended up doing very foolish things...for the sake of "trying new things out". I was on the verge of becoming emotionally numb. Scary, right?


But I cleaned my act up. Settled things with God, told myself I need to do better. Think better, even. I'm pretty sure this was the time I fully restored my relationship with God.

So on my 28th year until this very day, the only thing I probably "fear" is leaving my dogs home on their own on a stormy day - complete with lightning and hard rain and grumbling skies. Haha. (But really...those poor dogs!)


Truth be told, because of my dependence to God, I am scarcely afraid or worried about anything. I know it sounds rather arrogant, but I don't mean it in such a manner. It's just that, I know that everything on this Earth - circumstances, possessions, emotions, everything! - is temporary. And because I know that one day I will spend eternity with the Lord in heaven, I feel that all my current "problems" have become trivial or petty. (This is especially true when I hear or read about news of extreme poverty, of wars, of crimes, of abuses. The list is endless!)

During Saturday's DGroup (Bible study with church friends), we talked about a very similar topic: restlessness. I mentioned the same things and added that my restlessness probably comes from the feeling of helplessness as I am unable to physically stretch my hand out to someone in need of help in Syria, for instance. But at the same time, I know God is in control, and this ultimately comforts me.

But the point is this: with all that is occurring in my very own community, country, in the world in which I live, the things I "worry" about all of a sudden seem unworthy. I know this sounds like a "Ms Universe Answer" but it's the truth. While I am extremely grateful for living an already privileged middle-class life, I also cannot help but be burdened that so many out there are spiritually lost, fighting for their lives, dying of hunger. Again, the list goes on. :'(

So as we were talking about the topic earlier, I realized that one thing to really fear is losing my sight of Jesus, of eternity. The world is already a breeding ground for sin, hence if we indulge in its temptations, we may easily lose focus and lose sight of Jesus on the cross. He died for me so I could be sealed in His eternity. If I let the enemy rule over me, sway me from my secured relationship with Christ...that's when I should really be afraid and worried.

The next time someone asks me what I'm afraid of, my definite answer would be: I'm frightened to wake up one day and decide I no longer need Christ in my life.