Angelo Kho.

Why do you have to be thousands of miles away? And why do time zones make it difficult for us to communicate on a regular basis?

There really is no friend in comparison to you. I suppose, for the nearly eleven years that the seas have separated us, I've endeavored to entrust my fragile being into the hands of the "friends" I've made along the way. But it just isn't the same.

Perhaps Apps is really the only exception. Because she is much like you.

You know all the difficulties I've had to endure in this life, but not once did either of you lessen your love for me. You accepted me as I am, the good and the bad, you've been disappointed in me, yet scolded me with love. Because you knew it was what I needed. Not once did either of you ever force me to do something out of my will. You gave me time to cope, to heal through my brokenness. Yet you could never fully comprehend what I was going through, you just listened with patience as I told you my stories in tears. Or in hysterical laughter. 

But it's different now. The people I thought I could build wonderful friendships with either turned their backs on me, judged me of my wrong choices in life, tried to control my actions, manipulated my kindness, and, a former friend or two, merely used me. 

I have always had trust issues; this is why I stopped believing in "best friends". Instead, I call you two my confidants. But because I always see the best in people, I've allowed myself to trust a few. When I trust someone, I trust wholeheartedly. But almost always, that trust gets so easily broken. And I experience heartbreak after heartbreak after heartbreak. It's not a mystery that I am "the sad girl". 

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The world continues to be cold and heartless. The world continues to dictate they way I ought to behave, what I ought to do, what I ought not to do, how I ought to handle this and that situation. The world is always trying to control me, control my life. Am I no longer my own person? Is God no longer in control of my life? Because as far as I can remember, I have given Him the full authority to allow all the wonderful and terrible things to happen in my life. I never, ever had a problem with that because I know that in the end there is a lesson to be learned, wisdom to be gained. He disciplines me the way a father disciplines his child. Even He gives me time to heal; He knows exactly how I hurt deep inside, doesn't He? Only God can fully comprehend what I've been through, what I am going through, and what I will go through in this journey on Earth. So who else would I give full authority to control my life? God. Only God. 

Angelo and Apps. Warm and full of love, friends who never played 'god' in my life. I will always be grateful for the two of you, for being harsh with me with love, for accepting me as I am, for being patient with me, for your compassion. You are both real-life, visible, in-flesh manifestations of God's abounding love. I may not always be so expressive of my love for the both of you, but know that I love you two with all my heart. Also, I miss you. So much.