I'm in the middle of double-checking (and making revisions for) IPTs. Yes, work sh/t. Can I just swear my head off for tonight? Gahhh. 

I can't deal with all these goodbyes. Or I'm doing my best to, but it's just so hard because I'm saying goodbye to people who actually matter. The company is royally fucked up for undervaluing the most awesome and dedicated and top-performing employees, I swear. The good people have always outnumbered the not-so-good ones, but now the cards are being flipped over and the next thing you know, the ratio of good to not-so-good will be the other way around. Which is, in all honesty, the most grandiose of ways to go downhill.

So these goodbyes have got me thinking of my future. I think I haven't paid much attention to that sector of life in a while because let's face it, it's not like I have ever exerted real effort into building a better, brighter future for myself anyway. I've been in my comfort zone for the longest of years and I just can't seem to get out. I don't know if it's lack of courage or sheer stupidity or fear of losing my financial independence. Maybe it's all of the above. But really, what have I done? Nada. And I continue to stand on the same safe island, stagnant, and not dipping my toes into the currents. Not taking real risks. My comfort zone needs to shatter, but I don't quite know how to even begin demolishing my comfortable island. (Or perhaps, there really isn't much need to demolish; leaving it would suffice.)

As if the pressure from my parents weren't enough, right? I think reality just fucked me over. 

ARGH.

To cap off a wonderfully tragic work day, a certain miscommunication occurred (because let's face it, the top-earners aren't exactly the best in the English language). Which is why I'm double-checking and editing IPT shizznit. I don't think my computer in the office stayed on beyond 00:11KT; I broke the record tonight. I was frustrated of the last-minute shit of it all because, hell, I had all afternoon (before my 6 classes came into play) to bounce around and look for K-Pop/music video ideas for the contest. And everything gets crammed in the remaining few minutes of the shift. What the actual crazies. Anyway, I'm just glad that after all the insanity (and frustration, lots and lots of it from me), the boss still managed a smile and a "thank you, TL" and everyone knows I forgive people in a blink of an eye, so it's all good. Thank God the boss(es) in the company are super nice (compared to Barney and Pinky from what seems like ages ago). Otherwise, I probably would have peed in my pants whilst crying my eyes out all the while hyperventilating.

Anyway, I'm all calm now. I think God was just calling my attention because we haven't been talking as much as we used to.

But seriously, today/tonight was one of those 'what the actual f/ck' type of days/nights. 

I saw Thor and he finally recognized my existence and I was happy, but nature likes to balance things out in the most non-fun ways possible. Meh.

Also, my parents refused to buy a footlong for me (after they asked what I wanted to eat!!!!). Why, thank you. You shouldn't have asked. Now my mind (not my tummy) is starving and craving for a footlong from Angel's and I planned to bake pasta tonight but I'm going to have to put it off because work requires me to work even when all I really want to do is gather materials for the MV and charge the cameras because I need to be in the office at 12noon later because the friggin' deadline came too soon even when I asked about it last Monday and now we have to cram and there's more pressure and I have to edit a five-minute video before Monday rolls around because that's the deadline, the friggin' deadline and not even a week was given for this thing and all for two thousand pesos but I'm not in it for the prize, I'm in it for the involvement of the people in the team and the other team and everyone and happiness but now that happiness has turned into pressure, pressure, pressure, pressure. Ahhh, the satisfaction of utilizing run-on sentences.

And I need a hug. Fucking hell. Somebody hug me and rock me in their arms and tell me everything's gonna be okay. Fuck fuck fuck!!!!!!!

Breathe in, breathe out.

Okay, back to IPTs. Le fuuuuu~.

//end irrationality