The week that just came to pass was like being on a roller coaster. But hey, that is of the norm in my ever exquisite life. Things were so eccentric that I was led to believe it was merely PMS -- but I remembered I just had my period on the last week of January. So. What's. Up. With. Me.

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Going out, socializing, and meeting new people have been such a great help. But then something hits you yet again and everything and everyone mean nothing. You come to realize that maybe, just maybe, the activities you involve yourself are just your temporary escape as you shift your focus on the on-goings around you and other peoples' issues. 

I don't know anymore. 

Sometimes I just want to be alone (which is not a very good idea because this would mean entering my contemplation zone, which, most times, does more damage than good). But one thing's for sure: I don't want to push people away the way I used to, so recklessly. 

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Come on, be positive, Self!

The insatiable being in me has been growing in unimaginable ways lately. I think this is it. I need an immense change in my life. And I need it to come to me soon. I have plans, of course, but either they are not in accordance with God's will in my life or He's telling me to wait or I'm not doing enough action (which is most probable). Also, I think I still can't shake the fear off of me; the fear of getting out of my comfort zone still supersedes the excitement and confidence, when it really should be the other way around. I'm way too comfortable where I am in my life that I'm not paving enough way for all the possibilities out there. The only way to shake the fear off is to fully trust God; this is a test of faith in Him, I know that. But the problem lies within me: I don't have enough confidence in myself to realize how much better I can be out there. I'm scared and that's the truth. 

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So I need to go back to exercising. Which reminds me, I finally got the courage to step on the weighing scale last night and have come to find out that I lost a total of 27 (yes, twenty-seven!) pounds since September / October, when I last checked my weight. UH-MEY-ZING. But I've been eating a lot of carbs lately, so it's time to get back on the road. Back to my lovely tofu, too, which I crave for daily, especially when I'm at work. 

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I just need to stop being so friggin' emo so much. Gah.

Happy stuff from last week:

- silly talks with Katty (I miss her T_T)

- deep talks with TJ (love her already! such a positive influence!)

- 9gag convos with Gelo & Kirk

- chocolates

- long phone convo with Aizel about everything (God, I need to hang out with her soon!)

- mini 'road trip' around Las Piñas on Friday evening with really good people

- good times with Apps & Kirk at Le Souk and Apps' condo (got home at 4:30am! sleep deprived again, lol)

- shopping galore (for unnecessary items, haha!) with Princess (which was really so much fun, but so tiring because I didn't get enough sleep. we met at nearly 1pm when we were scheduled to meet at 10am! i didn't get up on time, apparently. gah.)

- came home last night from Manila and pigged out on: puto, pizza, tacos

- too much Coke (I rarely ever drink soda, but I had too much Coke last night, which I'm paying for now as I sound like a teenage boy going through puberty, what's up)

- neighbor seeing me after a long time, wide-eyed and gaping, then saying, "OMG YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL!" because I've lost so much weight. lol he's a funny guy!

- cloudy, grey skies, cool winds, rain and drizzle throughout the day

- seeing Kid Brother Richie on Skype

- late afternoon nap
- tea

So much to be thankful for, Self. Why focus on the negative? Look at all these good moments.

Best thing about last week? God every day. Seeking Him more and more. :)