And you just obey; there is no other choice. God knows how hesitant I was. But He kept nudging me and telling me to do it, to humble myself and speak and apologize to this person whom I was so angry at. I honestly kept saying, "But Lord, do I really have to? Can't I just skip that part, please?" But He wouldn't let me rest and kept tugging at my heart. What a feeling! 

I spoke to Rose and she gave me some encouragement and everything she said really helped me out. This one stuck to me most: I am accountable to God -- that I am to focus on pleasing Him and not myself nor the person(s) I have issues with. I knew what I had to do and I knew that if I didn't act on it, I wouldn't attain that peace in my heart I was longing for. She prayed for me and I was just in tears afterwards. :') Prayers do wonders and God moves in ways incomprehensible to man. Still so amazed. 

So I finally spoke to him and apologized for being angry (at him) without his knowledge for the past two weeks. I knew that if I didn't do that, I wouldn't get the peace I needed. I find it really difficult to be humble, what with my arrogant attitude working in the background. (Then again, the person I was dealing with is an even bigger arrogant, pretentious, egoistic guy. HAHA. He's well-aware of it, thank goodness.) But that wasn't my concern, shouldn't be my concern in the first place. All I kept in mind was that I was accountable to God and wanted to please Him. Anyway, I hope he got my point during the talk. We're both flawed humans working to be better people. Or at least I know that's what I'm doing.

I was over the past a long time ago, but anger came in my heart in a snap and before I gave it a chance to poison my entire being (seriously, cruel thoughts were forming in my head!), I knew I had to do something about it. And I did. And it worked.

I'm not expecting nor am I wishing for things to "go back to normal", in all truthfulness. I know in my heart that that phase in my life is long over and the purpose of this person in my existence enabled me to learn so much about myself and the life that I live. It was like saying, "Your role in my life has been fulfilled and it's time to make room for others who will teach me equally valuable lessons." Regardless of his truthfulness and intentions (whether he was a real friend or if I'd been just toyed around with or not), I'm still grateful for his presence because I wouldn't have learned this much had I not gone through such an experience. (Besides, we did have a lot of really good memories together.) However he views me (or how he has viewed me in the past), I refuse to dwell on the negative. I want to be able to see this person and focus on the good in him. I don't want to be angry anymore; I can't stand it.

All I know is that I am accountable to God. I want to be able to continue to live my life pleasing Him, no matter how hard it is to obey Him at times. I'm doing this for Him and for me, so that I may grow to be a better Christian (which is still the hardest thing in the world for me, hihi). Likewise, he is accountable to God himself so I pray that he continues to try to be better for God, for his own good, for the good of those that surround him. :)

Hey you. I can now look at your face without any desire to punch it. LOL. You're the only person who has gotten me this angry, ever. Thank you for listening to me and helping me attain that peace. I just hope you can work a little lot more on your ego, though. HAHA. Peace, jerkface bro.

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I was hurt, but found happiness when the game ended. I've forgiven him and forgiven myself. The happiness  was then replaced with many joys from God, coming in all forms. Then there was a sense of contentment in a lot of areas in my life as well. But as I've mentioned, anger seeped in and I realized that peace was lacking. God finally gave me peace yesterday, when I obeyed His command. 

I've never felt so serene deep within. Thank You, Lord. I love You. Always. <3