When you try your best, but you don't succeed

When you get what you want, but not what you need

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face

Coldplay

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I really have a knack for amassing and absorbing sadness and loneliness sometimes most of the time. When I am in this zone, I tend to isolate myself from everyone else; shutting myself within my own world, my mind. Is it strange that in the midst of my distress I can actually feel physical pain? Maybe that's in my head, too.

I want nothing more to be happy, like everyone else, perhaps. But I want the kind of happiness that won't have to battle with the sadness; the kind that stays atop every other emotion no matter what the circumstance. Hence, the need to focus on the good. I will try with all my might.

Perhaps I should write a daily list of things that  has made (and makes) me happy / smile / laugh. (Things that make me go, "Wow, life is really beautiful.")

Such as crossing the street whilst exposing your armpits to your friend as the truck drivers (and other drivers, perhaps) stared. Then laughing like crazy and giving each other a high-five in the middle of the street.

Or when a friend texts you something that has made her happy, which made you feel the same (because you feel happy when a friend is happy and sad when a friend is sad). 

Or the mere fact that you're in an air-conditioned building while others might consider this a privilege or maybe even an extravagance. 

Or when a student or two says or does something that brings joy to your heart. 

There's just so much to be thankful for; to be happy about. I just need to focus on the good, on God. And maybe, just maybe, things will finally turn around.

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Trying not to die is so taxing

You take a breath just to let it out again

Waking up is an exercise in trust

Sun Airway