You take a deep breath, a long sigh; how you wish that each time you exhale a part of your misery escapes just the same. But it doesn't work that way. You breathe in, you breathe out. Yet the heavy heart in your chest resides.

You lie in the middle of your bed and stare blankly in space; your gazed transfixed not on objects, but that of memories that keep playing itself in your head. You ask yourself over again how things became so hard to bear. What did you say? What did you do? What could you have done better? Why did you fight back? Why did you find the need to explain yourself? Why do you always end up feeling guilty, always at fault? Then again, you simply accept what is and tell yourself, "Yes, it was your doing all along. If you had stopped caring so much about your feelings, you wouldn't have hurt someone else's emotions. You always ruin things." So what's the point if you're just going in circles? Still, you want things to be better, to be filled with happiness again.

Sometimes you get so tired of being logical, of putting things in perspective. You know you analyze too much for your own well-being, but you can't help it. This is the way your mind works. You think. You ask. You know. Knowing what is makes you feel safe, but the truth of the matter is, knowing just makes you restless. Because in the end, all that knowing will succumb to nothing.

You are exhausted and all the crying has even made you tired physically. Does it help? No, because the hurt still resides in your heart, in your mind. You want things to be okay, to start anew, but it seems so impossible now. You've gone way too far and the only thing you can manage is, "You should have just stayed away."

You let them get the best of you until there's nothing good left for yourself.

You come face to face with yourself and feel as horrendous as ever. The sight of your physical being makes you sick to your stomach. If that weren't enough, the thoughts come into play and by this time all you wish to happen is a blackout so you can see no more. Feel no more. Break no more.

You are horrible and you know it. You try to change yourself, but nothing seems to change. You try to be good, but others still see you in the wrong light. You try your best to please God with all that you are, but doing so displeases others. You are so torn that you can no longer find solace in anyone. All you have are words in your head, but no one, physically, to talk to. They won't understand; no one ever does. You think you've found someone within reach that would be able to comprehend your innermost self, but you were wrong. You're always wrong about people. You give your heart away too quickly anyway. Most of the time, unfortunately, you end up giving your heart out to the wrong people. You do not regret this, but wish you had made better decisions.

You've always been vulnerable like that. You lose all the courage you had left within you and feel inadequate. And then you find yourself lost within yourself.

When will you ever find your way?