I've been so broken down last week (or past few weeks?) that I wanted nothing more but for my senses to numb. I was definitely on an emotional roller coaster; the kind of ride that I don't like being on.

I know God is always with me and that if I draw myself near Him, He will stay close to me. I was reminded of this early this morning. It's so difficult to have an emotional warfare at times; you just get so lost and confused and you end up making hasty decisions that either break you or brings peace. Looking back, I have definitely learned a lot from the past week(s).

I break apart because I need to be reminded of how much I need God in my life. When I was crying my eyes out, who did I ask help from? God. I wanted Him to bring peace in my heart. I wanted Him to help me make the right decisions. And now that I'm at a rather critical period in my life, the Devil is constantly prowling around, trying to find a way to break into me, to get a hold of me. In a way, I feel like I've let him get to me for a bit. The Devil does that when we're in despair and confused. I might have done things that did not please the Lord, but I think (and I hope for my goodness' sake!), now that there is light once more, I will continue to walk without letting Him go or drawing a step away from Him.

Sometimes I can be so confused because I want to please people when I know I should be pleasing God. But at the same time, human as I am, I want to be fair to others, too. I mean, for one, it wouldn't be right for me to shun people away from me. (Just think: Jesus wouldn't do that. He befriended EVERYONE.) So yes, I'm keeping my human relationships intact BUT I will not let anyone crush my principles or values in life, with the Lord. There are ways to go about in a good manner, after all. And wherever I go, or whoever I'm with, there's always a form of negative influence and it's just inevitable. I can't run away from it, so I will have to face it, but will definitely hold my shield up to prevent anything negative from entering my mind, my Spirit. I realize that I need to stand still, stand stronger, with the Lord. I know I am weak, but God works in us even though we think things are impossible to handle. Again, His power is made perfect in my weakness. I just need to abide in Him.

The following days (weeks?) will be a great test for me. I need to always have self-control in all that I do, in all that I feel. Feelings can sometimes lead us astray. I know I will be able to get through each day, each moment of challenge, with God's wisdom and guidance.

Lord, please stay close to this wounded girl. I love You. :)