I do try to feel great about my appearance, but my self-esteem just can't (and won't) cooperate. There's always that feeling of being inadequate. But all of that changed (improved?) on the 8th of August 2011. For the first time in years, I felt beautiful. Like, really beautiful. I was comfortable with the way I looked and with the shape of my body. I have had so many attempts to lose weight, but none worked, apparently.

But of course, that was a temporary feeling of satisfaction. I still feel (and know, actually) that I'm not slim enough. Am I torturing myself? No, of course not. I would never resort to anorexia or bulimia because that's just...not right.

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I'm currently ranting about this issue because a friend simply asked me the other day, "Why are you doing it?" I have always wanted to reduce my weight because I didn't feel like I really look fine. I'm doing it for myself. One, I want to look great. Two, I want to be healthier. Three, I'm sick of people in the family telling me how much of a fattie I am. And finally, I want to be able to look in the mirror daily and say to myself, with confidence, "You look beautiful."

Distorted as it may seem, I actually have society to thank for for instigating me to actually do something about my weight. I know that people have different perceptions of beauty, but I'm tired of having that lingering thought at the back of my head that goes, "No, you're not good enough...not yet."

I'm definitely still in the works. Hopefully I can get back to running and doing aerobics. (Yes, I actually LOVE the feeling of beads of sweat crawling on my skin during a run or a workout. It's one of the best feelings there is! And no, I do not deprive myself of pizza, fries and burgers.) I'm doing this for me. For my health, my looks, my self-confidence. I'm beginning to (gradually) feel comfortable with my body. I just need a little more push. :)