-Therapy, India.Arie-

(God, I wish I could have someone to sing that out to.)

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But for the most part, I do need some sort of therapy. Or a day of relaxation, at least. I've been so out of touch with the real world lately due to the heavy workload in the career part of life. For the past two weeks, it seems, I've been face to face with computer screens for 15 to 18 hours out of the 24 hours. Evidently, my sleeping alone is far from normal. My food and liquid intake depends on when I actually have time to do so or in-between classes. In my cozy, little cubicle: cup noodles, chocolate brownie, some crackers or chips and water consists of breakfast, lunch and dinner all rolled in one, eaten between 4-6 PM. If I'm lucky and have time to make one, a sandwich comes along, too. (Of course I'd eat just about ANYTHING --except fish-- that's left on the dinner table when I come home at 11:30. Bless my parents. Hehe. But after a quick meal, I'm back in front of the computer again...)

Slides. Lessons. Microsoft PowerPoint. Adobe Reader. Storyland Levels 1 to 5. Smart Phonics Level 4. Book Syllabus. Teaching Plans. International Business English. Further Communication Strategies. ESL Learning Materials. ESL Classroom Activities for Children. International English.

I've been trying my best to get my life straightened out but it's getting more complicated by the minute. That, or I just don't have time to organize my shit.

I've got dirty shirts, clean shorts, socks, unwashed jeans flung over here and there in my bedroom. I've got bags in a laundry basket, some on the shelf, and a bunch more in some box. Two pairs of slippers under my bed. Notebooks here and there, above or the bottom. And the laptop is always on my bed (except for when I'm not home, when it's in my brothers' hands). And a pack of pantyliners in a bookshelf next to my savings account passbook. Textile paint, silkscreen material, beads, scotch tape, scissors, cosmetics, pictures, old receipts on all ends of my shelves. Not to mention the thick dust building up on one of my many shelves in the room...

If you can imagine how messy that is, you won't want to imagine how messy my line of thoughts are. I seriously need to get a bazillion things done but there's just no time. I know how the saying goes, "If you really want to get things done, you'll find a way to do so." But I can't even find a clear path inside my head, it's crazy.

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I'm trying so so so hard to get my life ironed out. It's harder than I thought especially if you're the type who wants more to life than what's in front of you. I feel like I'm finally breaking barriers, but it's tough work.

I'M TRYING. Perhaps it's a start that I've got my students' list of schedule, names, curriculum, etc. in order by buying a notebook solely for student-related stuff.

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The thing is I try to do absolutely NOTHING over the weekend. It's my supposed time to relax and release stress, but I end up going to the mall or to some random place where I end up spending several thousands of pesos (think: approx. 100 US dollars in a day) on various junk, including junk food. Ha. What is wrong with me? Why is it that spending makes me feel good about myself? GAH.

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ON THE OTHER HAND, there has been a bunch of really good news for me. Because of the crazy changes of the company, teachers are no longer employed by the agencies. So yes, I've had to resign but only for the sake of ending my contract with my lovely agency. We're all supposed to be under contract with the mother company (Duzon - Korea), but I ended up getting absorbed by the company. Why? I have no clue whatsoever either. Is it a big deal? Perhaps, because of the 200+ teachers employed, only eight of us were absorbed. (Three from the PM shift and five from the AM.) What's the commotion all about? Hmm, nothing really, except for the fact (and I'm not even lying when I say this) that a part of me feels sooo guilty for having been chosen because there are SO MANY OTHER TEACHERS out there who are better than I am, who have been with the company for nearly three years, who have never been absent, who probably does not kill time wandering through the internet on sites such as Multiply and Blogger. Why me? Why only eight? I don't have a freakin' clue but I'm pleased nonetheless (I should be so lucky). For the most part, I need not fear of losing my job. (Everyone else acquired 4/8/12 - month contracts that puts the teacher in automatic probationary status. If they get high QA scores and maintain this, they will eventually be absorbed by the company just the same.)

As I've mentioned, I feel very blessed yet sad for the others. There are moms and dads in the company in search for job security in this time of financial crisis...but I, loser girl who merely enjoys talking to her students, get in just like that. Job security in a snap. I'd like to know what the criteria is that brought me to this position. I still think it's unfair..for the others. *sigh*

I was told that some people were talking about us, "the chosen ones." I don't even know those people and they don't even know me personally. I just hope they aren't saying anything bad things about us. :( Our contract is no different from theirs, really. And we still have the same job description. Anyway, this whole ordeal was supposed to be a 'secret' and I swear I've only told a couple of people. I found out on Friday the 13th last month..and told just my parents about it. When I got my contract, that was the only time I went on to tell very few close and trustworthy friends about it. But then again, gossip spreads like a wildfire in the office..

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I've been swamped with all types of English courses offered by the company. For the most part, I'm having a great time with all my students. I seriously love them all! Group classes, individual classes, from 9-year olds to 37-year olds --- they never fail to make me happy in class. And yes, even Daniel the evil kid. I must admit I've learned how to stretch my patience for miles because of the crap I've had to put up with that kid. But now, even as he is still moody in class, I find myself smiling and laughing, if anything, only to hope for the unthinkable --- that my smiles and laughter would make Daniel feel better and actually become a better student. I have faith in the kid; he just doesn't give enough effort. (Though it's a breather that he has postponed his classes for a week. Hehe..)

And then there are my new boys. I don't think I've ever scolded my students, but I just had to tonight. Three of the six boys in class are just off the bat rowdy and noisy -- and probably rude. I think they're worse than my Daniel. I'm still trying to be patient with them. It's quite a surprise for me as well that I can still tell jokes...GAH! This being a teacher thing can really transform you. Haha!

Current English courses I'm teaching:

- Storyland (children)

- Smart Phonics (for the zero-knowledge in English kiddies..)

- Regular Inglish (International English for adults)

- International Business English

- Further Communication Strategies (advanced conversation)

So within a week (or even a day!), I can go from teaching the sounds of the letters to talking about multinational companies to reading about what to say when you're out shopping to writing business letters and then go on with reading kiddie stories with the young ones.

I've just realized how confusing this all is. I just hope I won't get my lessons all mixed up. Hehe. The notebook was a smart move. :)

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I realize that this must be a novel. It's 2:44am now. I started this blog earlier tonight while I was still at work. Haha. And I still need to make slides (PowerPoint presentations) for my group classes tomorrow afternoon.

I just about blabbed in this entry. But heck, I needed a breather.