All it took was that simple question from my mother.

Now I am lost deeper into an already very-confused state of mind.

And perhaps, afraid.

Suddenly I am, yet again, faced with that list of dreams. But a portion of me would like to run away from that list and just go with the flow with whatever I have now. We all know there's more to life than this. I know there's more to life than this, that I am capable of doing so much more. After all, God did choose me to be His child. I should be doing so much more for Him.

I suppose it's fear of the unknown that's holding me back. I've been way too comfortable in the current world -- great job, fantastic sets of friends, and the most kick-butt family in the entire universe (yes, despite the gazillion stumbling blocks along the way). I KNOW that I must step out of my comfort zone soon. But it's just so hard to do because I simply feel so very safe here right now. I'm so scared of losing my job if all else go wrong. (Yes, my job is pretty much the only thing I could lose right now..if I make the wrong decisions, that is..)

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So let's go back to Nanay's live or die question (haha, that's what it feels like, anyway):

I'm the type of person who must have some kind of yearly goal to keep me motivated. (Rather, to keep me from staying in bed and not dread going to work! LOL!) But in all seriousness, that's just me. I have to look forward to something I want to achieve, no matter how big or small, tangible or intangible -- just as long as I have a goal to keep me on track.

A car. It will be extremely costly, what with needing a downpayment and monthly payments and all -- not to mention services and parts -- but it's something I've been thinking about lately. It will be extremely useful (for me to get to places too difficult to do with public transport, haha) but it may not be so practical. I think this is more of a "want" than a "need," so I have to list down the pros and cons for that. For the most part, though, modesty aside, I think I'll be able to handle the monthly payments. Though that would entail daily starvation. And it would put an end to my spontaneous splurges at the mall. LOL.

Law school. It's something that I've always wanted to do. (Does that make it a "want" and not a "need" as well?) I've always wanted to get into law school and study international law and work for the United Nations or any international organization for that matter. But I've ALWAYS dreamt of doing this. Unfortunately, there's just too much doubt in myself. I feel that I am incapable of getting myself through law school because I'm probably not smart enough. That, ladies and gentlemen, is the real fear. I am soooo afraid of failure that I don't even want to give it a shot. I want to study law so bad, but I'm too scared to even try. ARGH.

Plus..there's the time factor. If there's a school that would enable me to attend classes and take exams ONLY on the weekends, maybe I'd go for it. As I've mentioned, I can't afford to lose my job right now. (Besides, I'd have to support myself on this one -- so I'd need the job to pay for tuition fees and such..) And also, I'm afraid I might end up getting lazy over studying and all that school stuff. That's prone to happen, right?

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So that is my dilemma. I want to sleep through it, but I'd probably end up dreaming about it from thinking too much.

I honestly don't know what to do, but I feel like I have very limited time to make my decision. The insides of my chest are screaming for law school. God knows how much I want to make that work out. I'm just too chicken.

The new school year starts around June.

To enroll in law school or to buy a car?

(How easy that question sounds to the ears!)