The new year has come and I suppose I lack the will to foresee what's ahead. As much as I want to expect greater, more awesome things for the future, I simply can't. It feels like things will remain the same for a very, very long time. And I won't even neglect the fact that pretty much everything (around the nation and the world) is taking a turn for the worse. I don't want to seem like a pessimist; it's just that sometimes reality bites.




We are all insatiable beings; we simply cannot be fully satisfied. There always has to be more of this, more of that. Truthfully, I have many wants and needs. It's just hard to tell the difference between the things I "want" and the things I "need". I'm not even just talking about the material things. Sometimes I cease to wonder whether I'm turning into a selfish being. I'm not much for material things..but there are so many things out there that I simply "want". After all, if we did not have the desire for something better out there, what would our hopes and dreams be made out of? Of course it's but natural to yearn for something greater ahead of us. But where do I stop dreaming and start facing the realities of life? Or am I ever supposed to stop even though some of my dreams seem incredulous?




Obviously, I'm in a state of confusion at this time.




I am honestly happy the way things are at the moment. I have found inner contentment, inner peace if you will. But then again, I want something more...something bigger, something that seems to be so out of reach.




It's 2009. Days ago, I felt like I was finally on the right track, finally setting things into perspective -- kind of like a "seeing the light" thing. But now I don't know where I'm headed. I'm not afraid of what's ahead, really. It's more like feeling stuck on a certain path, with no twists and turns in sight. Simply put: I don't know what to do with my life anymore.



I need a big change in my life, but I don't feel it coming. Maybe it'll come to me as a surprise in the future, who knows? Right now I'm just so 'steady' and stagnant that I don't have a bit of thrill in me for what lies ahead tomorrow. The holidays have come and gone, but I treated it just like any other, uneventful day. While some people are making lists of what they'll be doing in the days, weeks, months to come ---- I am stuck. And a part of me feels fine on this spot, not having the motivation to go forward. Just go along on the straight, boring line...




Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..




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I know that God has laid out every single detail of my life for me. I know that whatever He gives me will be the best for ME. Whatever happens will be because God wants it for me. And of course, I can't argue with Him. :)




I know there will be good and bad things coming up. I'm completely fine with that; I like having a well-balanced life after all. (:




I just wish I had more enthusiasm in me.