Save me,
I think I'm goin' crazy.
-Josh Verdes



Well that's a love song, but it suddenly played as I was walking out of the office building to take a walk at the mall -- right across the street. :D I just needed to "get out" because I was/am so out of it today. For some reason, spending money on random things always makes me feel slightly better. I think I am going crazy. Just a little bit.



It's one of those days. It could be PMS, but I'm not one to waste time to try and figure out what's wrong with me. Ha! I'm annoyed because: I've skipped my period last month (dear God, I don't want another five months of no menstruation, please) and I'm feelin' constipated and there are a few out there whose actions are bound to make me explode. ARGH. I hate this feeling. I hate being annoyed at people. Right now I'm this close to hating interaction with another human. Hahaha. I'm just tired of cringing and groaning and not being able to properly express my anger. I'm trying so hard to keep cool, I swear it. But it's just so damn difficult. Can I just stay under the sheets for the entire weekend?



Sometimes I feel that some people are absolutely insensitive. Or maybe the better word is inconsiderate. Well, whatever the term, some people just totally LACK the effort to do "things" better. Grrrr. I don't want to dwell on it, but I'm just gonna say that I don't like feeling pressured and hassled. But I guess some people just don't get it. I don't understand how some can be extremely lax about things. Sigh. Well, I don't want to understand.



And then there's Daniel. He's my only kid student, age fourteen. I hate him so. I've never hated anyone as much as I hate this kid. He drains my blood (and not like the Edward Cullen way, unfortunately!) each night at 22:00, Korean Time. I thought I'd changed the kid, but I am so wrong. He's back to his evil self: not speaking in class, not answering my questions, always doodling something senseless on the board, always having audio problems that will probably never be resolved. I can't stand him. I can't stand being perky in class even though my blood is raging with anger. I can't put up with calling his attention 20 times in our 20-minute class. I wouldn't mind having ten students in a day, just as long as Daniel is off my list. His attitude SUCKS. I don't even know why his parents bother to force him study English when he obviously doesn't want to. He's been with me since September...and will be with me until October of next year. Unless he switches his class time or changes his teacher. I'm still holding on to that hope of losing that evil kid. Sigh again.



I'm trying so hard not to be a bitch. I'm really, really trying my best to control my emotions. I'm afraid that I might turn into a monster if I lose it. I can just imagine: me bitching at everyone I come across, rolling my eyeballs, sneering, raising an eyebrow, making snide comments that'll hit the heart, grumbling every other minute. Hahaha. Not a very pretty sight. But...I'm trying.



If there's anything good...well, there was something good. The pilot guy, his smile, his wave...makes it go away. Yeah, for a few hours. Haha! Well whatever, he gives me a reason to smile a real smile. That's kind of what I need now. Too bad I don't see him often enough. (Once in three weeks is definitely not enough!)



Youth + LG Christmas Party is on Saturday already. I hope this negative feeling goes away soon. *crosses fingers* I want to be genuinely happy on that day. I love those LG kids. There's LG tomorrow morning, too...I hope they can bring real smiles for me. Well, I just hope I won't get sick over the weekend. I feel a strep throat and a cold comin' on. Is it safe to take meds for them even BEFORE having the sickness? Haha. I'm kind of trying to fight the sickness of by drinking meds even before it comes around. Haha. If I get sick over the weekend, I'm totally gonna lose it.



Focus, Chrisfel, focus. Focus on the positive, focus on the bright side, focus on the good.