you aren't my type. 

you are short (my height preference is 5'8" or taller); 

you are losing your hair (i like men with great hair like taylor hanson's or louis garrel's); 

you couldn't drive (then, but even today you're so accident prone); 

you are a picky eater (i'm appalled at people who do not like vegetables); 

you have nearly zero knowledge on music (nor do you seem interested in the arts); 

you always feel the need to say something (like giving unsolicited advice); 

you aren't my type. 

my parents even asked me, "wala na bang iba?" when i told them about the budding interest. 

i won't lie; there are still sudden moments when i would question God for allowing what was allowed and answering my prayers the way He did even when i clearly asked for any feelings to be rid of. i even stopped praying for and about you for months, but God would always nudge me to pray and i would...to which i would get the kinds of answers i have gotten. during accountability talks, i would ask Uel if i were still sane with regard to my prayers and God's answers, and events that passed with you in it; i wanted to make sure i wasn't making anything up, that i haven't gone delusional nor self-dependent on trying to make sense of everything that was happening. that had happened. 

my point is, i wish God had just said a big NO when i prayed for clarity. (actually i was wishing it would be a no from Him so i could move on with my life from all the confusion....and in that moving on would be someone whom i hoped would be a "better fit".) i would have stopped praying for you then, happily, instead of having gone through this seemingly idiotic ordeal of me apparently "misunderstanding" you and your actions. 

honestly. 

just. ugh. 

and now, on idle minutes, i still question the Lord on the purpose of all of that. then i shrug it off and move on with my life, away from you. 

Hindi ko yata tanggap ang buhay
Kung san di ko mahawakan ang iyong kamay
Handa akong harapin ka, walang katiyakan
Kahit na takot sa maaring kasagutan

I'm retelling jokes you made that made me laugh

Pretending that they're mine

I wanna tell the whole world about you

I think that that's a sign

I'm losing self control and it's you

It really is, one thousand times

I look at your picture and I smile

How awful's that? I'm like a teenage girl

I might as well write all over my notebook

That you 'rock my world!'

But you do, you really do

You've turned me upside down

And that's okay, I'll let it happen

'Cause I like having you around

I'm electric, a romantic cliché

Yeah, they really are all true

Giliw, (kung) pahihintulutan mo ako 

Ipagkakatiwala ko sana sayo ang puso ko 

Alamat lang ba ang pahinga ng dalawang puyat sa pira-pirasong mga bugtong nagtatanong 

Sagot ay hindi mahalaga 

Sapat na sa aking nariyan ka 

Paumanhin 

Paumanhin 

Salat sa kasanayang linawin 

Giliw, (kung) pahihintulutan mo ako 

Ay ipapakilala ko sana sayo ang buong mundo 

Balagtasan at nagtatapatang makatang maligalig mga tugma

Limot na kung paano ang umasa

Giliw, (kung) pahihintulutan mo ako

Ang aking hangganan ay ipapamalas ko sayo

Giliw, pinakikiusap ko sayo

Sana pakaiingatan yang puso ko

I was looking through old travel albums and remembered the 'thank you video' I'd made for my wonderful Korean family who took care of me during my birthday visit last August. No one but my parents and Andy's family have seen it...but here it is. 

I miss them so. 

Such is a statement which brings raised eyebrows and inquisitive frowns. I don't even know if "I watch what I eat" compensates for me not exercising.

However, I do enjoy walking. I could walk for hours and not get tired.

But I realized today, more so compared to previous days, how much I've actually been "working out" around the house.

Today is almost like any other day of my life. 

I woke up at 10:30 in the morning (I wanted to sleep in) because a neighbor was at the gate to deliver food I ordered from Ilocos. I had managed to lock the dogs out of my bedroom before I slept at 5:15 in the morning (yes, I finally slept in my bedroom again, after weeks of sleeping on the couch or the living room floor) but when I returned in the house to try and get more sleep, the little creatures followed me in and next thing you know I am surrounded by four tiny warm bodies. It's cute and Instagram-worthy, but when I went in for a cuddle with Chicken, she decided it would be the perfect time to vomit. So there was a wee bit of vomit on the edge of my bed and a few drops splattered on my hand. I swear I wanted to ignore it and just continue to sleep, but that would have been more disgusting than the matter already at hand, so I got up to wash my hands only to find out the other dogs have made an even greater mess in the living room (yes within a matter of minutes).

Utter disbelief each day, I swear. I have no idea how these tiny things find objects around the house and manage to create a hurricane (okay slight exaggeration) in the house on a daily basis. But such is my life.

So I washed my hands and stared at the mess and debated in my head, whether to return to bed or start cleaning up. Of course I chose the latter; I almost always do.

But since I had chosen to do housework, I thought it would just be appropriate to eat first. So off to the kitchen I went to cook...but remembered that I had to feed the dogs first. Fed the dogs; check! So I finally FINALLY got started on cooking my lunch. I decided to cook the dogs' food as well because I would probably forget if I procrastinate and whilst cooking my longanisa from Ilocos, I decided to load water in the washing machine because I apparently have a basket-full of clothes that needed to be washed. Lunch cooked; check! Laundry loaded; check! But before I could actually sit down to eat, I had to wash veggies and peel and slice them (I ate my longanisa with cucumber, carrot sticks, and picked radish today). So yay, I finally had a hearty lunch...and enough energy to tackle the mess in the house.

(I honestly got up and cursed myself and asked the air, "Why is it so hard to maintain a clean house?!" I mean, seriously.)

But wait, there's more. Before actually getting around to tidying up the living room, I had to wash all the dishes in the sink and clean the dining room table....and check on the dog food which I almost overcooked. And oh yeah, go back to my laundry load, which I nearly forgot about. So: ate lunch; check! Cooked dog food; check! Washed dishes and cleaned the sink; check!

I wanted a cup of coffee but I always make it a point to wash the floors first before sitting down to have coffee, but when I went outside to check on my laundry, I ended up sweeping around the yard because, of course, the dogs have managed to make a mess outside as well. (Surprise, surprise.) Sonja thought it would be fun to dig into the giant bag with plastic and glass containers and empty cans for the mangangalakal so she got into that bag and brought out the contents all over the garage. So I then had to deal with the bottles and cans under my car. Could I finally return inside the house to wash the floors? Why, yes.

So I entered the house yet again and BAM! Even more mess after having fed the dogs. WHY, LORD, WHY! Hahaha! But I dealt with it. I cleaned and I washed and I swept and I threw out chewed objects. So I stepped out of the house to wash and throw trash....and when I returned in the house a tiny dog or two decided it would be fun to poop and pee. So of course I had to clean that up immediately for the smell not to stick around longer than it should. 

I thought it would be nice to finally have coffee and some time to catch up on my reading when I remembered that I had laundry to continue doing, so of course I had to go outside again. (I guess I should be glad that watering the plants aren't required  these days due to the rain, but on such days, I need to carry buckets of water near the plants to water them. On such days, I am able to do some legit weightlifting.) 

So finally. The house was tidy enough (for me, at least) and I was able to sit down for a cup of coffee with a book. I looked at the time and was quite surprised to see that it was already four o'clock in the afternoon. Where has my time gone? In an hour I would have to log onto my work accounts because my shift would start and I haven't even had a bath yet. But I managed to drink my coffee and do a bit of reading. (And proceeded to wash more dishes afterwards.) 

I do not exercise, but I imagine hours of moving to and fro around and outside the house meets the daily requirement of "movements" of one's body. 

THIS IS NOT A RANT POST.

In fact, contrary to one's initial reaction upon seeing "surprise messes", I have actually learned the art of enlarging my eyes in disbelief and looking at the tiny creatures with four legs and just laugh. I kid you not, I just laugh and/or smile and say, "Buti nalang cute kayo!" And they would run to me and give me hugs and lick my face (and sometimes I would get distracted and play with them for a few minutes in-between my cleaning time). 

I mean, I love it. I know that my #1 love language is acts of service, so maybe it has something to do with that. Plus I actually like it when my body is actively moving. I suppose it does me more good than bad, so why not just keep at it, right? 

Also, preparations. Taking care of the dogs feel like having to look after toddlers, so when God finally allows me to bear my own child (or children because TWINS, PLEASE!) I'm not going to be grossed out with all the vomit and poop and pee. (Not that I am easily grossed out in the first place. I am usually able to manage things others find "disgusting".) Plus, I won't be stressed out and be of ill-temper when the kids (haha HUWEW) make a mess here and there because I imagine that it what life will be like with children around. Plus a husband to take care of. ❤ 

It's an exciting thing to think about, but I'm sure the imagery in my head will be nothing like the reality set before me. It will be better, and more difficult. But hey, at least I'm (physically and mentally) ready! (Or well, still in the works. Haha!) 

I'm just grateful. Life will never be like how it is today. I end this entry as I stare at the tiny creatures, all fast asleep in the own spots (one on the couch, one on the coffee table, on on a pillow on the floor, another on a dining room chair; Sonja and Sophie are both outside the house, so I'm unsure what they're up to, probably making a mess! haha!) with a smile (and face mask!!) across my face. Life is good, even though I've got another load of laundry to do and a closet that needs to be organized. (Which I'll have to do after my real office work. Thank God talaga for allowing me the luxury to work from home.)