you aren't my type. 

you are short (my height preference is 5'8" or taller); 

you are losing your hair (i like men with great hair like taylor hanson's or louis garrel's); 

you couldn't drive (then, but even today you're so accident prone); 

you are a picky eater (i'm appalled at people who do not like vegetables); 

you have nearly zero knowledge on music (nor do you seem interested in the arts); 

you always feel the need to say something (like giving unsolicited advice); 

you aren't my type. 

my parents even asked me, "wala na bang iba?" when i told them about the budding interest. 

i won't lie; there are still sudden moments when i would question God for allowing what was allowed and answering my prayers the way He did even when i clearly asked for any feelings to be rid of. i even stopped praying for and about you for months, but God would always nudge me to pray and i would...to which i would get the kinds of answers i have gotten. during accountability talks, i would ask Uel if i were still sane with regard to my prayers and God's answers, and events that passed with you in it; i wanted to make sure i wasn't making anything up, that i haven't gone delusional nor self-dependent on trying to make sense of everything that was happening. that had happened. 

my point is, i wish God had just said a big NO when i prayed for clarity. (actually i was wishing it would be a no from Him so i could move on with my life from all the confusion....and in that moving on would be someone whom i hoped would be a "better fit".) i would have stopped praying for you then, happily, instead of having gone through this seemingly idiotic ordeal of me apparently "misunderstanding" you and your actions. 

honestly. 

just. ugh. 

and now, on idle minutes, i still question the Lord on the purpose of all of that. then i shrug it off and move on with my life, away from you.