I am ready. For dreams to be fulfilled or for this heart to be shattered; either way, I am ready. 

I live under God's timing and I am only to be still and wait unto Him, no matter how long and painful the process. Whatever it is I have gone through and whatever more I will have to endure, I will gladly and joyfully accept it, if this is God's will for me. Despite uncontrollable tears and clenched fists, I know it will all be for His glory. No more, no less. 

Last Wednesday, I prayed to God, crying. Maybe my hormones had something to do with it, but I cried unto the Lord. I asked Him to give you a wife you deserve, a wife who will make you happy for the rest of your life, because voices in my head whispered, telling me I was never going to be enough for someone like you. I am a mess, a chaotic universe dwelling in a human body, and you...you are punctual and extremely organized and in control. We could never be, I cried to the Lord. So I wished and I prayed for you to meet whomever the Lord has chosen for you.

He answered me this:
Give Him time to speak to you and reveal His will. He is never late - learn to wait. 

He never shows up late; he knows just what is best; 

Fret not yourself in vain; until He comes just rest. 

Never run impulsively ahead of the Lord. Learn to await His timing - the second, minute, and hour hand must all point to the precise moment for action. 

Clearly, I was anxious and impatient. So God asked me to wait. 

I kept myself preoccupied doing ministry work and doing my best to focus on the Lord and serving Him in ways I knew how: the outreach, spending time with my "baby sisters", caring for the home, and of course, office work. But you would always find a way to slip into my wandering thoughts. You always do.


I don't know what the future holds. I admit, I am anxious about it, especially with what's been going on in the past week. But, as I always remind myself and the people whom I'm accountable to, even up to this point, everything is just an assumption. 

Still, I am hopeful.  

Whatever God wills for you and for me, whether together or separate, I am ready. I am only ever ready for anything life surprises me with because I know I'll always have my Heavenly Father to run to. And He will never fail to love me. And He will always be more than enough.